‘No marriage is made in heaven’

September 8, 2013  

The Edwards

Elizabeth was a 24-year-old secretary, when she married her boss, Olatilewa Edwards, then, a 59-year-old engineer. In this interview, they talk about the staying power of their 25-year-old union

How did you meet?

Olatilewa: Her sister introduced her to me.  I had a secretary who was not doing too well and I complained to her and she told me that she had a sister who worked in Radio Bendel I said I would like to see her if she is efficient and can cope with the pace of work. When she started working with me, she was very efficient and caring, I would not have replaced her with anybody. I found out how much I could get her involved in my business, I decided to make her my companion. When I approached her and she unwillingly accepted.  Our meeting was over 26 years ago and she was about 24 years old while,  I was 59 years old.

Elizabeth: Initially, when I asked about his age, he told me he was over 40 and I was a bit reluctant but I later discovered that he was actually over 50.

Did you not have second thoughts about marrying someone twice your age?

Elizabeth: The truth about it was that when it all actually started, I would say I had plans. I was a very strong advocate of single parenthood and I had people I always looked up to as strong women. One of them was his relative, Julie Coker. Because I was in the media, I knew her as well as Grace Egbagbe. One day, I came to work and met him standing on the doorway. The first thing he said was, ‘I want to marry you.’ I thought he was joking but when I got back home, I discussed his proposal with my sister and she said it was okay. Two years into the marriage, I was not really serious about it but then, I gave my life to Christ later and my perception about marriage changed.  From that moment, I started seeing him like the man I truly wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

At that age, was she your first wife or you had been married before?

Olatilewa: I had been married before. I was married while in England and I had children. The marriage was okay but somehow, my wife passed on.

How did his children react to your entry into their lives as a new mom?

Elizabeth: I grew up in a polygamous home with a very wonderful step mother. I adopted his children as mine, seeing it as an opportunity to give them what I enjoyed while growing up. My step mother was a very wonderful woman and you could never tell the difference between her children and my mother’s.

Getting married to a young woman of that age, did you have any kind of apprehension?

Olatilewa: I was too busy with my job to be thinking about what was going to come after the marriage.  I am an engineer and at the time, I   believed I would attain whatever I wanted to attain in life once I remained focussed. She fitted in very well, having worked as my secretary; she knew the kind of job I was doing.   I believed I should create industries and provide employment for people. I went to England at a very young age and because of that, my expectations were high, I was always working until I almost broke down before I decided to slow down.  I believe that the best thing in marriage is to have infinite trust in your partner. You don’t start nursing regrets for every situation, if you start saying that you are disappointed, then you are not serious with marriage.  Also, one should stop complaining. I accept my wife and I see any fault in her as a step to correct and move on. There is never a better person anywhere in the world; it is what you make out of your life and your wife’s life.

Age and maturity have also contributed a lot to the success of the marriage. When I was younger, I did not tolerate mistakes because I am a perfectionist.

How were you able to make the transition from secretary to wife?

Elizabeth:  I just adjusted. We were still working together, nothing changed apart from the fact that the children now came into the picture and there was divided attention. But we understood ourselves and   we were able to strike a balance between the job and the family.  I did not have any issue; I know that at the early stage it was not easy, at times he would complain and say we were not doing some things well but two years into the marriage, when I became a Christian, if challenges arose, I would go to God in prayers.

Did you at a point have to remind him that you are now a wife and not a secretary anymore?  

Elizabeth: Yes. That was when the baby came, I brought in somebody to help around the house but because he was used to the way I worked, he would still complain about things that were not done properly but somehow we were able to weather the storm.

How you were able to make the switch from boss to husband?

Olatilewa:  That role of a boss has never actually left me. Till date, I still play the role of a boss and combine the two roles together. Sometimes, she would tell me, ‘I am your wife, I am not that your secretary.’ But as we grew older, everything got sorted out. I will advise men to let their wives be if they have passions for certain things. She became a born again Christian and I did not interfere with her life. I think understanding individuals helps a lot. Also, people should stop complaining about the short comings of their partners.

It has been 25 years, what has the experience been like?

Olatilewa: It has been good, it has been wonderful, of course I would not say that there were no problems but understanding and the help of God has helped a lot.

Elizabeth: The marriage has been the work of God’s mercy because some women my age must have been divorced twice or thrice, but the grace and mercy of God has actually kept us together these past 25 years. No marriage is made in heaven, it depends on the couple. We have never had issues that family members know about. As a Christian, I have learnt that your family members or friends must never know what is going on in your home.